Get Unstuck: How to Overcome Ambivalence and Start Making Real Changes
Real self-care—the kind that supports your health and well-being—isn’t always easy. It’s not just bubble baths and spa days. Sometimes, it's doing the things you don’t feel like doing, even when you know they’re good for you.
Taking a walk, prepping a healthy meal, or finally organizing that cluttered closet may not be glamorous—but they’re often the most meaningful parts of a self-care plan.
And if you're living with a chronic illness, self-care becomes even more essential: checking your blood sugar, taking medication on time, going to appointments, or following through with physical therapy.
You already know these things can improve your health and quality of life. So why is it so hard to follow through?
Why We Get Stuck: Understanding Ambivalence in Behavior Change
That push-pull feeling—where part of you wants to change and another part resists—is called ambivalence. And it’s completely normal.
Change is hard. Behavior change is even harder. Life is busy, routines are deeply ingrained and doing what we’ve always done feels easier. Maybe you know you'd feel better if you cut back on sugar... but there are donuts in the break room. We've all been there.
Sometimes ambivalence is small, like dragging your feet on packing for a trip. Other times, it’s paralyzing—keeping you stuck in habits that hurt your health.
The Good News: Motivation Is Already Inside You
If you’ve ever said, “I just can’t find the motivation,” you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: Motivation is already within you.
You don’t need to wait for a spark. You just need the right tools to uncover it and help it grow.
One powerful tool for doing that is called Motivational Interviewing (MI). It’s a collaborative style of conversation that helps people strengthen their own motivation and commitment to change (Miller & Rollnick, 2023).
What Is Motivational Interviewing?
Motivational Interviewing is used in all kinds of settings—therapy, healthcare, classrooms, even corporate offices. When you work with someone trained in MI, they help you:
Start thinking about change
Clarify which change would be most helpful
Talk through your reasons for wanting change
Make a plan that feels doable and empowering
The focus is on helping you find your own “why” and building your confidence. MI isn’t advice-giving—it’s support that respects your autonomy and lived experience.
And while working with a trained MI professional is ideal, there are tools from MI that you can start using today.
Two Keys to Change: Importance and Confidence
To move toward a new habit, you need two things:
A belief that it is important to make the change
A belief that you can make the change
Let’s explore how to strengthen both.
1. Know Your Why: How to Strengthen the Importance of Change
When things get hard—and they will—your reasons for changing are what will keep you going.
Ask yourself:
How will this change benefit me?
What will my life look like in 1, 5, or 10 years if I do (or don’t) make this change?
Try Using an "Importance Ruler"
On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 = not important at all, 10 = extremely important), how important is it for you to make this change?
Now ask yourself: Why did you give it that number and not a lower one?
The answers to this question are your reasons for change—your “why.” These are often tied to your values. Write them down. Pull out the list when you are finding it hard to stick to your goal. Also, post them somewhere you’ll see them every day (bathroom mirror, fridge, phone wallpaper). This keeps your reasons front and center and reminds you of them often. Even better: read them out loud when you see them. Saying them out loud and hearing yourself say them helps reinforce them.
For Example:
Change: Start a regular yoga practice
Importance rating: 6
Why not a 2 or 3? Because I know it will help with stress, reduce tension in my body, and give me a healthier way to unwind than scrolling my phone.
Now I’ll put that list on a sticky note by the couch and on my bathroom mirror. That way, I’ll be reminded daily of why this matters.
2. Build Your Confidence: Why Believing in Yourself Makes Change Easier
The second ingredient is believing that you're capable of making the change.
If we don’t think we can succeed, we’re much less likely to even try.
You already have strengths that can help you make a change. Are you persistent at work? Compassionate with others? Organized in your routines? Bring those same qualities into your self-care. How could they help you move forward?
Try a "Confidence Ruler"
On a scale of 0 to 10 (0 = not at all confident, 10 = extremely confident), how confident are you that you can make this change?
If your number is less than 4, your goal might be too big right now. Adjust it until it feels more doable.
For Example:
Too big: Do yoga for an hour every day (confidence = 2)
Better goal: Do yoga for 30 minutes once per week (confidence = 7)
Now ask yourself: Why is my confidence not a lower number?
Again, write those answers down—they are your inner resources.
You can also ask yourself how you could boost your confidence. It might be by removing barriers (put your yoga mat somewhere visible), enlisting social support (ask a friend to join you or check in with you) or gathering more information (find an easy online class to start).
Your Turn: Small Shifts Lead to Big Change
When your importance and confidence are both high, you’re much more likely to make the change.
Even small shifts in how you think about your goal can reduce ambivalence and get you unstuck. The motivation is already there—you just have to bring it to the surface and help it grow.
Want Support Making a Change That Lasts?
If you’re feeling stuck—even after trying these tools—you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Working with someone trained in Motivational Interviewing can help you get clear on what matters, set meaningful goals, and follow through with confidence. Many people find success in just 4 to 6 focused sessions.
Imagine what you could change in just a few weeks.
Ready to take the next step toward real self-care?
Reach out today to schedule a free consultation and take the next step toward setting and achieving your goals to take care of yourself - physically, mentally, and emotionally.
