Why Knowing Your Values Changes Everything: A Guide to Living with Clarity and Meaning
Have you ever felt stuck, unmotivated, or off track — but couldn’t quite figure out why?
Often, the root of that discomfort isn’t laziness, failure, or lack of willpower. It’s disconnection from your values — the core principles that guide how you want to live your life.
Whether you're navigating big decisions, facing burnout, or simply trying to feel more like yourself, identifying your values can bring clarity, direction, and purpose. Reconnecting with what truly matters is a powerful form of self-care. When you use your values as a compass, you can build a life — and a self-care practice — that genuinely supports you.
Identifying What Matters — and How You Want to Show Up
When people first think about their values, they often name the areas of life that matter most — like family, health, or career. These are your top priorities, and recognizing them is an important first step in living with intention. Knowing what areas are most important to you helps you decide where to focus your time and energy.
But values go deeper than that. Once you identify what matters, the next step is to define how you want to show up in those areas. This is where your values come in — they guide your actions, influence your choices, and shape the way you engage with the people and priorities in your life.
What Are Values — And Why Do They Matter?
Values are the qualities that reflect who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world. They’re not goals to achieve; they’re guiding principles that influence your priorities, relationships, work, and the choices you make every day.
As psychologist Dr. Russ Harris explains, values are “your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave…how you want to treat yourself, others, and the world around you.”
When you’re living in alignment with your values, life tends to feel more grounded, fulfilling, and meaningful — even when it’s hard. When you drift away from them, you’re more likely to experience dissatisfaction, frustration, or emotional distress.
Values vs. Goals: What’s the Difference?
While goals are future-oriented and results-based, values are on-going and present-moment focused and process-based. Goals are something that you work toward and can complete. Values are ongoing. You can’t complete them and move on. For example, your goal might be to “get a degree," but your value is to “pursue lifelong learning."
Values can help you to set meaningful goals and guide your actions as you work toward them. They help you to stay committed during challenges, and they continue to shape your choices, even after a goal has been achieved.
How Values Shape Your Life
When you understand your values, you can:
Make decisions with clarity and confidence — big or small
Set goals that reflect your true priorities
Prioritize your time and energy
Adapt to life transitions with more ease
Improve relationships through aligned behavior
Feel more authentic, grounded, and fulfilled
Without a clear connection to your values, it’s easy to fall into patterns of living by others’ expectations, social norms, or short-term rewards — and still feel unsatisfied.
How to Discover Your Core Values
Some people know right away what matters most to them and what values guide their behaviors. For others, it takes reflection and experimentation. It’s completely normal if your values aren’t crystal clear right away—there’s no perfect answer, and discovering what truly matters to you can take time and curiosity.
Here are four powerful exercises to help you clarify your values:
1. Meaningful Moments Exercise
Think back to one or two experiences in your life that felt especially meaningful, peaceful, or energizing. What were you doing? Who were you with? What qualities were you expressing? What were you thinking and feeling?
Now ask:
What does this moment reveal about what matters to me?
How was I treating myself, others, or the world?
What does it tell you about the way you approach or how you engage in life?
What values were coming to life in that moment?
2. The 90th Birthday Toast
Imagine it’s your 90th birthday party. Friends, family, and colleagues stand up to toast you. What would you want them to say about the kind of person you have been and the life you have led? What impact would you want to be remembered for?
Your answers point to your legacy — and the values you want to live by now.
3. New-Found Wealth
Imagine you suddenly inherit a fortune. Money is no longer a limitation. What would you do? How would you spend your time? What causes, relationships, or experiences would you invest in?
This exercise strips away obligation and reveals what you value when nothing is holding you back.
4. The Life Compass
This tool helps you explore 10 different areas of life — from health and work to relationships and growth — and reflect on how your values show up in each. (Dr. Russ Harris offers a free downloadable version: Life Compass PDF.)
Still Not Sure? Try a Values List
Sometimes a list can help you find the right language. These resources can guide you:
Circle the words that resonate most. Then ask: which ones feel essential to who I am — and who I want to be? Try to narrow it down to 2-5 values to focus on more intentionally.
Are You Living in Alignment with Your Values?
Once you know what matters to you and how you want to show up for those things, you can begin to check in:
Are you spending your time and energy on the things that are important to you, and not wasting it on things that aren’t?
Do your daily choices reflect your values?
Where are you showing up in alignment — and where are you not?
Are there values you’ve been ignoring or neglecting?
What would it look like to live more fully from your values?
Remember: you don’t need to get it perfect. Values aren’t rules. They’re guides. They help you re-center when things feel off.
Life Changes, and So Does the Way You Live Your Values
Values themselves tend to remain consistent — but how you live them changes with life’s seasons.
Your value of connection might look like late-night parties in your 20s and bedtime stories with your toddler in your 30s.
Your value of curiosity might start with exploring new hobbies and later show up in learning about a medical diagnosis or a social cause.
A diagnosis, job change, loss, move, or major transition can all cause a shift in how you prioritize and express your values.
These shifts can be hard — even painful. But values can help you find your footing when the ground underneath you changes.
Why This Work Matters
When you live according to your values, you:
Make decisions with more confidence
Feel more connected to yourself and others
Live a life that reflects your true priorities
Can develop a plan to get back on track when things feel off.
And when you don’t? You’re more likely to feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or uncertain.
If you're feeling that way, this isn’t a sign that something’s wrong with you. It’s a sign that something important needs your attention — and your values can help guide the way back.
Want support identifying your values and using them to create meaningful change?
Therapy is a great space to explore what truly matters, realign with your inner compass, and take steps toward a life that feels like yours. Set up a free consultation with Dr. Cathy today.
